Choosing Every Day

Tamara Ordonez soul care

I speak as the single mother of two pre-teens (8 year-old-boy and 12-year-old girl). I have also been a first-time mother at 20; the mother who was married to a software engineer working for Lockheed; the mother who moved from another country and was absolutely alone; the mother who went through the most horrible divorce ever; the mother who went through college with a toddler and a six-year-old. Lastly, the mother of biracial kids. Now, I am the full-time mom who had to learn how to incorporate herself in the workforce full-time and single.

I want you to know that every day is a non-stop, around-the-clock juggle of priorities because they all are priorities. But which ones will be accomplished on that day? It always feels like I am not doing enough, not getting enough done, and that I need to get more done. I am overwhelmed at times with the thought that I am not enough and my kids deserve more. It is hard to enjoy the two biggest blessings God has given me because everything becomes an obligation.

I want people to know that “I didn’t choose this.” This is not by choice. I never chose to be a single mother. This is a life I never signed up for; I never intended; I never dreamed of and to a certain extent wouldn’t wish for others. I saw myself as broken, just as much as how the situation felt – a broken home with broken children, a broken marriage and a broken spirit. It was hard to prevent bitterness from taking over by how unfair everything was.

I had to choose joy and faith every day. I had to choose to set the tone in my home because motherhood is not just my obligation, but also a privilege. I had to choose redemption over spiritual brokenness and progress over nothingness. It continues to be a daily decision to keep choosing to see Jesus in the every day.

 


Tamara Ordonez currently serves as a MOPS Community Solutions Specialist. She has a BS in Business Administration and Marketing from Liberty University. She currently resides in Denver, but she is a native of Chipiona Cadiz, Spain. A single mother to a sassy 12-year-old, Andrea, and a bright 8-year-old, Gabriel. Her passion is dance, travel and culture. Spanish at heart; global in spirit.